Sananda Chatterjee

Do you know what the most multi-functional room in the house is? Not the bedroom, or the kitchen or the dining or living room! It is *insert drum roll* THE TOILET (you knew that was coming!) I find myself being heartily offended when someone underestimates the capabilities of the loo because they obviously have no idea. But I have plenty of personal experiences to make anyone respect it. First, I must indulge the nature of the toilet that I am used to- it’s the type with the shower stall and WC and a basin, with plenty of room to move around. And now, on to the stories.

So the first way to use that brilliant room is of course, to think. Whenever I’ve needed to find a place at home where no one is going to bug me, I’ve just stepped into the loo. Sometimes my folks have wondered about that, I think, worried creatures that they are. Maybe they thought I suffered from extreme constipation. I don’t know, but point is, they don’t bug you in there. Which means that all your genius ideas turn up when you’re in the bog and I’ve had a fair few of those myself. But that’s another story.

Second, it is the most awesome place to study certain subjects. I don’t know for what reason, but in my case it was Economics. Having been woken up by my dad at 7 am sharp on a dull Saturday morning, being told to start studying, the first thing I used to do is take my Eco book with me on my morning meditation. Ah! It was the best Input/Output system that I’ve ever come across. While you clear out your system of vile things that you’ve consumed the day before, you fill your mind with even more vile things from NCERT textbooks that you know you’re gonna have to regurgitate in the upcoming exams. And guess what? Social Studies was one of my strongest subjects-BEAT THAT!

And along the same lines as second, is the third–reading popular new releases, also often referred to as the Harry Potter Series. So all you do is steal the book in the morning from whichever sibling had been reading it the night before and lock yourself in the toilet. Sit on your throne all day and finish reading it. Cheeky, yes, but VERY effective. While your door might be banged or knocked on incessantly, you hide in your sacred space and watch Tom’s diary get stabbed. BLISS!

Lastly, definitely most important in my case, was the fact that I could fall asleep in there. That’s right you heard it here first! When you’ve returned from school, tired and dusty (remember we’re talking Delhi here) and in winters, extremely cold and your folks say that you must study till 11 in the night because that’s what your grade level demands, you resort to ‘thinking outside the box’ and sleeping in it. I would take the shirt I wore to school that day, spread it out on the floor, and nap! For hours and hours till my sister knocked on the door to say that dinner was served. Beautiful!

I get why Jamshed is obsessed with his toilet habit-so much of our darned existence can revolve around that one little room. Imagine being uncomfortable and being able to use it right. Imagine not being able to utilise it to its maximum potential. JUST IMAGINE! Or don’t. Come watch the show, and we’ll tell you how he dealt with it.

Over and out.